How to stop overthinking every decision
You've read the reviews. You've made the pros and cons list. You've asked three friends. And you still don't know what to do.
Overthinking is exhausting. It can turn small choices, like what to reply to a text, into hours of going back and forth. And bigger decisions, like a career change or a relationship, can feel almost impossible.
If this sounds familiar, the problem usually isn't that you're bad at decisions. It's that thinking has become your way of trying to feel safe.
In short
Overthinking usually comes from one fear: getting it wrong. More thinking rarely brings certainty. Setting time limits, accepting "good enough" and acting before you feel completely sure all help you start trusting yourself.
Why do we overthink?
Most overthinking has one question underneath it: "What if I get it wrong?"
The thinking is an attempt to answer that question before you act. If you can just consider every angle, you'll avoid making a mistake, being judged or regretting it later.
The catch is that more thinking rarely brings certainty. It usually brings more options, more doubt and more what-ifs. So the loop continues.
Overthinking is one of the four patterns I see most often in women dealing with self-doubt. I've written about all four patterns, and why capable women get stuck in them.
Signs you might be overthinking
You replay conversations long after they've ended
You research decisions far beyond what's useful
You ask lots of people for advice, then feel more confused
You delay decisions until the moment has passed
You feel relief, rather than pride, when things go well
Six things that help
1. Decide how much the decision matters. Not every choice deserves the same amount of thought. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in a year?" If not, give it five minutes, not five days.
2. Set a time limit. Give yourself a deadline to decide, then stick to it. Thinking expands to fill whatever time you give it.
3. Notice when thinking turns into looping. Useful thinking moves forward. Overthinking goes in circles. When you notice you're going over the same ground, that's your cue to stop gathering and start choosing.
4. Ask what you'd tell a friend. We're often much clearer and kinder when advising someone else. Write down what you'd say to them, then read it back to yourself.
5. Accept "good enough." Many decisions don't have one perfect answer. Two or three options might all be fine. Choosing one of them is progress.
6. Act before you feel completely sure. Certainty often comes after you decide, not before. Each time you act with some doubt still there, you build evidence that you can trust yourself.
What if overthinking is affecting your sleep or wellbeing?
If your thoughts are racing most of the time, you're struggling to sleep, or you're feeling anxious a lot of the time, it's worth talking to your GP. Ongoing worry can sometimes be part of anxiety, and that deserves proper support.
Common questions
Is overthinking the same as anxiety? Not always. Overthinking is a pattern many people have. Anxiety is broader and can affect your body, sleep and daily life. If you're unsure, a GP or psychologist can help.
Why do I overthink small decisions? Often because the fear of getting it wrong applies to everything, not just big things. Practising quicker decisions on small choices is a great way to build confidence.
Can coaching help with overthinking? Yes. Coaching helps you understand what your overthinking is protecting you from, and practise trusting your own judgement in real life. Not sure if it's your main pattern? My free 3-minute assessment can help you find out.
Work with Chloe
You're not behind. You're stuck in a pattern.
Chloe works with women in their 20s and 30s caught in overthinking, comparison and self-doubt. Take her free 3-minute assessment to find the pattern underneath, and unlock a complimentary Clarity Session.
Take the free assessment